“There’s no fun in medicine, but there’s a lot of medicine in fun.”
~ Anonymous

"You Might Be A Fibromyalic"
by Paula Painworthy

If you find your purse in the freezer.....
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If your body feels like a piece of raw meat.....
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If someone says hello to you and you're stuck for an answer......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you only have the energy to clean your house on a bi-annual basis......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If people give you a side-long glance at the grocery store because you've spent way too much time lingering in the soup section trying to make up your mind......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If your socks are in the medicine cabinet, your toothpaste is in the
refrigerator and your car keys are missing......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you are fully capable of tripping over a dust mite.....
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you drop 50% of the things you pick up......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If chocolate is your main source of nutrition......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you wear alot of fleece sportswear with your "good" earrings......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If the average handshake can bring you to your knees......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you awake after 17 hours of sleep feeling like a herd of horses has run over you......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you make a shopping list and forget half the things on it (and can't remember where you parked your car afterwards)
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If your kids, pets, friends and extended family members are all named "what's his/her name"......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you describe common household items as "thingy-do's",
"whatcha-ma-callit's" and "do-hickies"......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you feel like you've climbed Mt. Everest after dusting the coffee table.....
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If your body can forecast the weather with more accuracy than Doplar Radar......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you're freezing cold and it's 97 degrees in the shade......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you're suffering from night sweats, with the windows open, and it's below zero outside.....
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If the first items on your vacation packing list are: heating pad...pain meds....
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you slam your finger in a drawer and it felt like someone dropped a Grand Piano on your hand......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you wear your house-slippers to the 7-11 for a quick purchase and don't really care ;-)) ......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you know where every restroom is, in each retail establishment you patronize.......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you have more than 47 pillows in your house......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If 3M ships you Post-It-Notes by the case each month......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If you meant to say (or type) "seriously" and instead say "sloppily", "slovenly", "sedentary" or "supercalifragalisticexpiallydocious"......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

If all your friends and family are mandated to wear un-scented
deodorant......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

and last, but not least, if you hug with {{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}......
YOU MIGHT BE A FIBROMYALGIC

INNER STRENGTH

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when, through
no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things...

Then you are probably the family dog.

My forgetter's getting better
But my rememberer is broke
to you that may seem funny
but, to me, that is no joke
 
For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
 
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain
A zero, is my score.
 
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, need,
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
 
When shopping I may see someone,
Say "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, "Who's that?"
 
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.

~Author Unknown

COUNT ME OUT

"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his
English teacher.

"I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other."

"Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher, "But you only have two ears, boy."

"You see, sir? I'm no good at math, either!"

Stopped at a friends shop in WI the other weekend and found him stalking around with a fly swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered, "Yeah, 3 males and 2 females".

Curious, I inquired as to how he could tell the difference.
He answered: "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone."

ONLY THE BEST

Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the
doctor to get himself checked.

After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well
Steve, based on my examination, the best thing for
you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up
alcohol, and stop smoking."

"Well, to be honest with you Doc," said Steve.
"I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"

Subject: MID LIFE CRISIS

Subject: Women at Mid-life


I've seen two shows recently that went on and on about how mid-life is a
great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be...puh-leeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you.

Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear end without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream "Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will, too!"

Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks??"

In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing you can still retain is water.

Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally...more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But, mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand, and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now for the body you had back then? Maybe
our bodies simply have to expand to hold all of the wisdom and love we've acquired...that's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen,
they don't come in when you call,
they like to stay out all night,
come home and expect to be fed and stroked,
then want to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man,
they love in a cat

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope attached to a helicopter, ten men and one woman.

They all decided that one person should let go because if someone didn’t the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally the woman gave a very touching speech stating that she would give up her life to save the others because women were used to giving up things for their husbands, and children, and giving in to men in general.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

Never underestimate the power of a Woman.